Thursday, August 24, 2017

Out of Egypt - Deliverance and God's Mercy

This is my journey on the trek of faith, my testimony of God's light and love calling me into His gracious love out of the depths of depression, heartache, failure, pain and abandonment.  On this blog I am going to share my story of how Christ showed me His mercy in the pain and suffering - at a crossroads.  My story is one of forgiveness, hope, love and friendship.  I am choosing to share my story because I want others to not only recognize the glorious grace and mercy of Jesus but also the dangers of relativism and the New Age.  I found Christ in the Crossroads - wandering - He led me back home to his heart, where we all belong.
Junction:  Great use of Straight lines... wonderful effect

We are all wired to seek the meaning of our life.  We seek and search looking for fulfillment, love and stability trying to fill a void we all have - a desire for love - a selfless love that complements our life and our desires.  The only thing that can fill this void is God.  God is love.  Love itself is God.  Love is not about chemical feelings and attraction, LOVE is hope, virtue, charity and a total fulfillment of the soul.  Love is patient and kind.  God loves us with an everlasting love and is always pursuing us for an abundant life, but love does not force its hand - love respects the will of the other.  Love is not about feel-good emotions - but it is about steadfast fidelity and an understanding heart.  Love gives justice to help refine the heart of the one it cares for, like a parent teaching their children, the Lord loves with justice, mercy and discipline.  God's love is willing to suffer because when you love for the sake of the other - you are willing to lay your life down for your friends, to give up a temporal pleasure to feed the eternal need of another's heart.

God is love, that is a truth that cannot be refuted, but it can be tested and that is where we fall into the cross hairs of sin.  I will write future posts on the nature of sin and its origin, it is important to know two things about sin:
1. It is the absence and division of God and separates us for His perfect love and therefore is abhorrent to His nature.  He longs to be near us but when we are in a state of sin, God cannot draw near because sin is detestable to His nature because it is the absence of love.  The consequence of sin is death because life comes from God - and death is the antithesis of love because it separates us from the Spirit of Life - God.

2. Sin in Greek is Gematria, which means missing the mark.  Ever since Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden our nature of perfect love has been corrupted by choosing to miss the mark, not following God.  The good news is that God recognizes our weaknesses and that we 'miss the mark'  - while sin is an act against the will of God, often our fallen nature prevents us for understanding the depths of sins evil and therefore God gives us His Word and law to teach us how to live.  Unfortunately our nature is predisposed to the virus of sin, so out of LOVE, He sent His very person, His only begotten son, Jesus Christ to live (teaching us the truth and how to live) and die on the cross to take on the sin and the curse it is on humanity - He rose again to show God's love and mercy rises above nothingness of sin - life gives life. Christ gives life in the Holy Spirit.

I am a sinner, but that does not define me - who I am in Christ does and that is the hope I want to share, because Christ is for us and is with us in every battle.  Christ forgives sins and defeats our enemy - satan.   As St. Paul writes in Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

In our scientific post-Enlightenment mindset we are so quick to dismiss the devil and demons.  Many Christians discount the fact that the devil and demons are real.  And devil likes this because he can hide the sin in society and divide us against each other and God more easily.  You won't fight a battle if you don't think you have an enemy.

Christ Himself speaks of the fact we are in a battle with spiritual forces in opposition to God and the enemy is trying to devour our soul and take away our inheritance as children of God.  Christ came with authority over evil because while evil may be powerful, the devil is a mere creature and God has authority over his tyranny.  Sin entraps us to satan and sin is the only weapon the devil has against us - and it is a powerful one, but not has powerful as the mercy of Christ crucified.  Throughout his ministry, Christ came,casting out demons with His authority.  Christ has authority over demons and gives us the resources to battle our enemy and triumph - the cross is our victory.  We share that authority when we confess our sins and claim deliverance over our enemy in Christ.

Christ does not want us to have a spirit of fear.  Christ came to set us free from oppressive fear, so while it is essential we recognize that the devil is real and a threat - we are empowered by Christ and the Holy Spirit.  We need not fear, but we must remain vigilant.

The devil is a dog on a chain, he can bark and cause us a lot of problems but we are only enslaved to his wiles when we give into the temptation to sin and that opens an invitation for our enemy to break into our lives and before we know it we are fighting a battle and often times we don't even know it.  When we name our enemy we have power over it.  We can defeat it and create a battle strategy.  This is a battle we're all in whether we want to be or not.  Thank God we have an advocate in the Holy Spirit who teaches us how to fight spiritually and how to love as God loves through Christ and in Christ we have someone who will take on our death sentence so we can live.  Love is the most potent weapon against evil.  Christianity begins with forgiveness, mercy and love.

Forgiveness - asking God to forgive us our sins and forgiving those who have hurt us.

Mercy - in my opinion stretches beyond forgiveness into compassion for the sake of compassion, mercy is not about merely forgiving the other the sin because of a need to reconcile, but a decision to reach out to the other person in love and empathy because they are a human being created in the image and likeness of God.  Mercy does not demand payment, but gives of it self for the other.

Love - God represents love and the depths of love on the Cross in Christ Crucified and raised from the dead.

Christianity has rules, yes, but the primary goal of Christ is to lead us to love and Christ is the source of love - Christ wants to have a relationship with you - and a relationship is not always an easy road - we have to be patient, kind and able to go into desert spaces during relationships relying only on the other and the love for the other to get you through.  Christ's love might seem distant in the storms of life, but He is there - crying with you, holding your heart and watering you with His mercy and wisdom.  My testimony is proof of that.  The Holy Spirit does not leave us orphaned.  God respects our free will, but He is always instructing, walking behind us and longing to lead us home.  Will you listen?    How can we be the hands and feet of Christ in the world.

My story:
I was born in a Christian home (Episcopalian and Presbyterian) - my parents were both faithful and I developed a strong faith and close friendship with the Lord at a young age.  My faith in Christ and close friendship with God sustained me during childhood abuse and trauma.

I started struggling with God with a series of deaths, betrayals and failures left me broken beyond broken - I felt oppressed.  I still reached out to God and remained faithful but my foundation was cracked and I felt abandoned.  I have struggled with clinical depression most of my life, which I hide fairly well because my personality is upbeat and I'm creative, but the hurt of my father's abandonment when he divorced my mom and abuse from my step mom really hurt me.  I became the scapegoat taking on all the pain and blaming myself for everything.  I thought if I was ashamed of myself it would help mitigate the fighting and I could hide that way.  In high school I suffered a bout of severe depression that caused me to go from an honor roll student to struggling with grades.  I was exhausted, and overwhelmed.  It was like pneumonia for a year - the fatigue and feelings of self-hate...I tried to fit in school, but I didn't drink and felt inadequate.  I became anorexic and bulimic and obsessed over my weight.  Blaming God for the first time during this trial for being 'ugly' and 'overweight.'  I returned to the Lord, and our friendship was strong.  God was my father - He always has been.  I often tell God that His being the creator of the universe is awesome, but I think it is even more inspiring and wondrous that He loves and the intimacy of a Father-daughter relationship.  I longed to be a good daughter to God, but I'm a perfectionist and when I failed I always felt the need to beat myself - through eating disorders or self-blame.  I hid this well, but it was a secret room in my heart - and unfortunately a key for satan to take a hold and whisper lies into my ear.  God throughout this time told me: "Adele you are loved." "You are beautiful" "You are smart and creative" but I felt shame and wanted to blame myself - and I started believing the lies.

High Resolution Restored Vilnius Divine Mercy Image. The original painting that St. Faustina had drawn.
In 2002 Christ saved my life when I was in a near-fatal car accident (I'll post more about this later) - The grace of this should have sustained me for a lifetime, I came out of the accident with so much hope - but life was a hard road the next fifteen years - dreams, hope and my positive can-do attitude were oppressed by abandonment and betrayal of family and personal failures in my career.  I continued to follow God during this time - but in the back of my mind I accept the failures and abuse because I thought of it as penance for being a 'bad daughter' God kept showing me this was not true, but depression is a deadly thorn.

Throughout my life I've always been very intuitive knowing things before they happen and understanding the depths of people and wanting to see the best in people.  This is a gift, but in depression I felt out of control and wanted 'knowledge' - I wanted God to tell me what to do but the depression blocked me and in despair I turned to New Age practices, including crystal therapy and energy healing. While I argued that my intent was on Christ the entire time (and my heart was at its depth after Christ), my depression blocked my reasoning to the point I was duped by lies - lies my level headed highly educated self - would never have brought into if the depression wasn't so deep...and yet my need for control (a root of pride) led me to ignore the Holy Spirit (not intentionally but I recognize now that I was) and delve into chakra cleansing.  I did this while saying Christian prayers so I argued this pagan practice was more scientific than anything - cleansing my negative energy from trauma so I could be healed from depression.  After all I was praying the rosary and receiving the Eucharist.

This was the worst decision I've ever made, and yet the enemy had be so worn down that I could not reason and was an instrument of his merciless schemes.  I will post on what happened in a future article.  This is very hard to share and I have debated whether or not to write about my experiences because I am a private person and this was a scary and horrific thing - but I don't want anyone else to get involved with the occult and New Age.  These pagan practices are everywhere in society now and I was easily duped by Christian marketing gimmicks to reel me into the New Age ideas of mantras, meditations and healing. Even some denominations are embracing certain practices like Yoga and chakras - and it is dangerous.  Of course God wants us to heal, but when we turn to false ideologies we are inviting an absence of God into our body, mind and soul and that void separates us from the true peace that only the Holy Spirit can provide.  The Holy Spirit loves each of us as there was only one of us - rejoicing in our talents and our souls and the individual soul.  Eastern meditation focuses on a giving up of one's self to a cosmic consciousness that means self doesn't matter.  Christ tells us to give up self to Him, but that is the selfishness of the flesh - Christ loves our individual character and wants to bring out the best of our God given goodness in His Spirit.  The devil is a false spirit and a liar who is good at fooling even the best attorney and legalist.  We need the Holy Spirit to fight satan for us.  When we invite the false spirit in instead of truth we separate ourselves from the graces God longs to give us and can open ourselves up to oppression that seeks to destroy.

During the aftermath of the 'chakra' energy cleansing, I was instead attacked by spiritual forces of darkness.  I was spiritually raped and forced into ecstasy and fits and nervous tremors - it was hell.  This is embarrassing to share because it sounds like mania, but it was very real and for nearly a year I sought medical and spiritual answers - and quietly hid the pain and emotional struggle, especially the feelings of being raped by an unseen force.  I focused on Christ turning it over to Him, going to the mass, confession, the Adoration Chapel.  My logical mind kept looking for a medical reason, but there was not one.  Finally the Holy Spirit led me to a priest who is a trained psychologist of a scientific and spiritual mind who diagnosed that I was being diabolically oppressed.  This is something that is hard to explain and something I struggled with.  I said a confession and act of renunciation and almost immediately the ecstasy and sexual assaults stopped and I felt literal spirits being yanked out of me with swoosh of air or a yell.  It was so foreign to me and scary I did not know what to do - except turn to the Lord.

*It is important to go to a Priest and Psychologist for guidance and counseling during this time and not let your fear of being judged prevent you from accepting mental health and spiritual health.  Discernment from those with expertise and a even-keeled view of the issues of psychology and an awareness of spiritual issues is necessary.  God does not want us to fear the devil but to Fear the Lord our God who is mighty to save.  Not every illness or depression is from diabolical attack, but it is a perceived separation from God (God never leaves us and never fails to stop loving us) - so we need guidance and discernment.

For more on this I recommend books by Derek Prince, Don Basham, Gabriele Amorth and Neal Lozano.  

It has been three months since the healing began and Christ continues to work.  This has been a painful journey, but like the cross I have found God's love and hope in the suffering.  God has opened my heart up to recognizing every soul, good or bad needs prayers because the real enemy is not each other - but the enemy is satan.  We can only fight the enemy in Christ and Christ fights with love and forgiveness.

God loves every human being and sinner and wants to heal us, but we must confess our sins, and ask for help.  His mercy is for everyone - not just a chosen few - we are called but few are chosen because we don't call Him back!  But the good news is God never stops pursuing even the most hardened sinner and he never allows evil to rest without justice and mercy - helping us the evil for some sort of good in building up our souls and refining our souls.  Sin will try to destroy us - but God gives us Christ to forgive and to set us free.  Christ set me free from the occult. This blog will seek to shed light on my deliverance experience and help provide links and articles to help others who are struggling.


God is waiting for you - He loves you and loves everyone - are you willing to embrace His love?


Steps to begin deliverance:
1. Ask Christ into your heart and confess your sins and ask for His help.
2. Contact a priest or pastor for discernment; seek counseling or medical help
3. Frequent the sacraments.  Communion/Eucharist, Reconciliation, Sacrament of Healing.  As a Catholic who was reared Protestant - but in tune with the sacraments of communion and healing - I find the graces of confession have been able to smite the enemy effectively.  Christ does forgive you the minute you confess your sin - but the sacrament of confession pours forth the healing power to overcome the sin more effectively - while this is a doctrinal issue some disagree on - the fruit of confession has helped immensely in my healing.  The sacraments are like vitamins and immunity against the virus of sin - they keep us focused and strong
4. Read scripture: In addition to the Gospels, I recommend saying aloud Psalms 23, 67-68, 91, 143 are great weapons of protection and offer peace.
5.  Pray without ceasing - I recommend the Our Father, The Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet, St. Michael Prayer as tools of deliverance - because they ask God's grace and protection


Our Father who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses and those who trespass against us
Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.


St. Michael the Archangel, 
defend us in battle. 
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. 
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, 
and do thou, 
O Prince of the heavenly hosts, 
by the power of God, 
thrust into hell Satan, 
and all the evil spirits, 
who prowl about the world 
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen..



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